In light of some of the questions I posed in the latter part of yesterday’s post, I want to talk about virginity.
Specifically, women’s virginity.
Of course, all of this is aimed at women and young girls. None of it pressures men or boys, and it all centered on such vague notions as “purity” and “chastity”, and is tied up with biblical, sexist concepts of what a woman is supposed to be.
It’s another one of those double standards.
So my questions are – if our girls are supposed to be saving their virginity, who and what are they saving it for? And why?
Does it make a person a better woman somehow if they come to a relationship with no sexual experience?
Are they goods of a higher value if they have no life experience behind them? And in whose eyes is that value estimated?
Who is judging these women valuable or less valuable, and what effect does this have on their wellbeing and equality as individuals, if so much hangs on the state of things between their legs?
I prefer my partners to have experience. Many men and women I am friends with and chat to in various forums say the same. An experienced lover knows their own body and understands better how to give and receive pleasure. The only possible benefit a virgin woman can give is one in which a woman is viewed as something that is owned and possessed, and in which any other man having “used” her has thereby lowered her value.
In other words, because she has had sex, she has become “used goods”. Like a secondhand car.
And what is purity anyway? It’s an abstract concept, something someone, somewhere, has made up.
Why aren’t men held up to be “pure” too? And if we’re going to delve into religion, if purity was so important, why isn’t Jesus’ sex life ever mentioned? Was Jesus a virgin? He slept with 12 men in the garden of Gethsemane, and hung around with prostitutes. Clearly, what he did and who he slept with made him no less “pure”, if any sort of purity according to what Jesus actually did counts for anything.
Oh, but he was a MAN. So what he did doesn’t count.
Of course, there’s that double-standard again.
I forgot. My bad.
Who I sleep with and how many partners I have had isn’t anyone’s business but my own. Who I happen to be fluid bonded with, and any diseases I may have are of course considerations for any partners I may choose to have, but that’s where any other person’s business ends.
Having sex with no-one, one person or thousands of people doesn’t make anyone more or less “pure”, because purity is a make-believe concept. Sex is just something we humans do, like knitting, or eating, or going for walks. And women of the age of legal consent have every right to do with their bodies as they wish. With as few or as many partners, of whatever gender they desire. And they’ll be no more or less pure as a result of their actions.
The whole “purity” concept is a feeble attempt at controlling women’s bodies and minds. But I ask, should other people – particularly middle-aged men – have the right to control young women’s bodies and minds? That sounds a bit creepy to me. Perverted, and mentally sick. Why are they so interested in whether young women have sex? Why are they so obsessed with it? It’s downright icky.
So what is virginity, and why does it count? Truth is, it doesn’t. Only in the minds of those who would like to control women. A lot of women don’t even have an intact hymen by the time they reach adulthood – sports and tampons and a host of other things can break it. And a lot of women don’t bleed the first time.
Virginity is a stupid concept anyway. Is a woman who has only had anal sex all her life still a virgin? What about a gay guy who has only ever taken it up the ass? (As Dan Savage famously said of his boyfriend, “I’ve been preserving the shit out of my boyfriend’s virginity for 14 years now. If my boyfriend ever decides to marry a woman — miracles can happen! — he’ll be able to wear white at his wedding.”)
Or what about a pedophile priest who has only ever abused little boys? Is a girl who is raped at the age of six “impure” and not a virgin? Virginity is outdated. It’s a dinosaur idea.
I think it’s time we threw the whole concept of virginity out the window. It’s stupid, and belongs along with the concubines and mass murders of the Old Testament.
What are your thoughts?