Oh My Goddess! I’m a porn writer!

In November just gone, I decided to participate in NaNoWriMo. If you don’t know what that is, visit the website for a full heads up. But in short, people all around the world write a 50,000 word novel of their choice within the 30 days of November.

I’d participated, and succeeded in making the word count within the 30 days alloted, twice: first in 2005 and then in 2011. This year, in 2013, I decided to write another 50,000 horror. For a change, and a bit of fun, I decided to tackle the heady world of erotica.

In a few short weeks, my novel will be edited and available online at Amazon (as an e-book) for the amazingly bargain basement price of 99 cents. Totally worth it!

Anyway, the reason I brought this topic up was to talk about the interesting experience of writing this sort of novel. First of all, you’re kind of amazed and horrified at the kinky sludge your brain is capable of producing. I’m not going to say I’ve done everything I’ve written about in my novel, but a fair bit of it is from personal experience, and it makes my eyes water.

And then, when I kept on writing, I realised there was NO WAY I was going to release this novel under anything but a very dodgy pseudonym. I never want friends and family to know I could write this sort of stuff.

It makes 50 Shades Of Grey look very, very tame. Which it is, of course.

Then I started to wonder, Why should I be ashamed to have written this stuff? We all have sex – unless we’re incredibly unlucky. If we’re really lucky, we have great, amazing, life-changing sex. Or fun, kinky sex. Or sex with lots of people, if that’s our thing.

Yet in society we’re not supposed to admit to that. Women in particular aren’t supposed to admit to wanting or enjoy sex – especially lots of sex. If we do, we’re sluts, whores, cheap…valueless.

When I look at the criticism E L James has attracted, as the writer of 50 Shades, I can’t help thinking that the criticism would have been much, much less had she been a man. Men write rubbish all the time and don’t get hauled over the coals for it. But a woman writes one vaguely dirty book and it’s the end of the world.

It’s that old double standard again, isn’t it.

I didn’t particularly like “50 Shades”. I found it poorly written and a sad and inaccurate representation of kink. And I only got about a third of the way through book 2 before giving up – it was just plain dull. Not my style.

But if it got people talking about, and exploring their sexuality, maybe the outcome of those books wasn’t such a bad thing.

We live in a world where our kids are exposed to huge amounts of violence and aggression. There’s very nasty porn all over the internet – and it’s so easy to get access to that the average 12 year old has seen a fair bit of it.

But do we talk about it? Do we ever admit to watching it? More importantly, do we ever admit to doing it?

Never.

We give our kids, if they’re fortunate enough to go to a progressive school in a progressive country, a rough approximation of the physical stuff associated with heterosexual penis-in-vagina sex, and we call in “sex education”.

But we don’t talk about:

– why we do it
– what it feels like
– what happens when we don’t want to do it but our partner does
– or vice versa

We don’t mention stuff like:

– other types of sex, like anal and oral and group sex
– kinky sex and foreplay and sex that involves tools and toys
– what porn is, the difference between porn and reality, and why porn might not be such a good thing in large amounts
– why monogamy isn’t the only way for people to be together
– the double standard and what to do about it
– why sharing images of ourselves and others can have long term damaging effects
– paid sex workers and the sex industry

And all about CONSENT.

Writing erotica, and actually TELLING my friends I was writing erotica, made me realise how little we talk about sex in our society. It’s the elephant in the fricking room.

And because we don’t talk about sex with our friends and families and peers in an honest, open way, we don’t ever get a real sense of what real sex is for other people besides ourselves. We don’t ever really understand what real sex is, and we certainly don’t teach our children what real sex is. All they get to model their own sex lives on is the giggled misinformation of their peers and the online porn industry.

Fucking brilliant.

So yes, I’m a porn writer. I’ve written a porn novel where the protagonist is a female. She’s Dominant and powerful and she goes after what she wants. And she’s open about what she wants too.

Maybe we need a few more role models like that in reality. Not just in novels.

aphrodite4

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