The Chocolate Ritual – for large gathering

NOTE: This ritual, in particular the ‘Chocolate Charge of the Goddess’, is strongly based on the Original Chocolate Ritual, ©Copyright 1993 John Shepherd.

The chocolate ritual requires a minimum of 5 participants – one to call in each Element, and one to read the Charge of the Chocolate Goddess and invoke the Deities.

The ritual starts by invoking the four elements.

At each point stand representations of the four elements: chocolate mousse (air), fondue (fire), chocolate sauce (water) and chocolate slab (earth). In front of each quarter representation stand bowls of chocolate sauce (for anointing).

Within the Circle stand platters and bowls of chocolate offerings. Each participant in the Circle is given a plate (for their offerings) and a fork.

Air Priest/ess: Mousse of the East, of Air
Fluffy one, light one!
We welcome you into our circle tonight
And praise your velvety goodness!

(S/he traces an invoking Pentagram in the air with a chocolate ‘wand’)

Fire Priest/ess: Pudding of the North, of Fire,
Gooey one, sticky one!
We welcome you into our circle tonight
And dip into your warm ickiness!

(S/he traces an invoking Pentagram in the air with a chocolate ‘wand’)

Water Priest/ess: Chockie sauce of the West, of Water
Rich one, sugary one!
We welcome you into our circle tonight
And prepare to drizzle your yumminess!

(S/he traces an invoking Pentagram in the air with a chocolate ‘wand’)

Earth Priest/ess: Chocolate slab or the South, of Earth,
Heavy one who leads all diets astray
We welcome you into our circle tonight
And honour your richness and ability to satisfy our greed!

(S/he traces an invoking Pentagram in the air with a chocolate ‘wand’)

HPS a.k.a. ‘CHOCKY CHICK’: We begin tonight’s worship with the traditional Eating of the Wands.

(The quarter guardians stuff themselves and eat messily and lusciously, eating their wands).

HIGH PRIEST (a.k.a Captain of the Bounty): Quetzalcoatl, the God of Chocolate, we now anoint your servants in your name, and thank you for your scrumminess.
Demeter, Goddess of Bounty and Bounty Bars, we praise your name for all you give.

The quarter guardians take up their bowls of chocolate syrup, and anoint the cheeks and chin of the participants.

HANDMAIDEN: The Chocky Chick will now read the chocolate Charge of the Goddess.

HANDMAIDEN: Listen to the words of the Mother of Chocolate, who was of old called Cadbury, Flake, Bounty, Cherry Ripe, Dairy Milk, Mrs Fields, Sara Lee, and by many other names:

CHOCKY CHICK: Whenever you have one of those cravings, once in a while and better it be when your wallet is full, then shall you assemble in some public place and bring offerings of chocolate to the spirit of Me, who is Queen of all Yummies. In the hall shall you assemble, you who have eaten all your chocolate and are hungry for more. To you I shall bring Good Things for your tongue.

And you shall be free from depression, and as a sign that you are truly free, you shall have chocolate smears on your cheeks, and you shall munch, nosh, snack, feast, and make yummy noises, all in my presence. For mine is the ecstasy of chocolate – dark, white and milk – and mine also is Joy on Earth, yea, even into High Orbit, for my law is “Melts in your mouth, not in your hand.”

Mine is the secret that opens your mouth, and mine is the taste that puts a smile on your lips and comfy, padding kilograms on your hips. I am the Gracious Goddess who gives the gift of joy unto the tummies of men and women. Upon earth, I give knowledge of all things delicious, and beyond death……..well, I can’t do much there. Sorry about that.

HANDMAIDEN: Hear now the words of the Goodie Goddess, she in the dust of whose feet are the cheap imitations, whose body graces snackie shops and finer stores everywhere:

CHOCKY CHICK: I, who am the beauty of chocolate chips, and the satisfying softness of big bars, the mystery of how they get the filling inside of truffles, and fill the hearts of all but Philistines with desire, call unto thy soul to arise and come unto me. For I am the soul of chocolate; from me do all confections spring, and unto me all of you shall return, again…..and again……….and again………………and again.

Before my smeared face, beloved of Women and Men, thine innermost divine self shall be enfolded in the rapture of overdose. Let my taste be within the mouth that rejoices. For behold, all acts of yumminess and pleasure are my rituals. Therefore, let there be gooeyness and mess, crispness and crackling, big slabs and bite size pieces, peanut butter and chocolate covered cherries all within you.

And you who think to seek me, know that your seeking and yearning shall avail you not unless you know the Mystery; “For if that which you seek, you find not within yourself, you will never find it without…but chocolate will help you in the consolation process.”

For behold; I have been with you since you were just a baby, and I am that which is attained at nearly any snackie shop in the land.

Messed Be!

CHOCKY CHICK: In the name of Demeter, goddess of bounty, and Quetzalcoatl, god of chocolate, let us now be greedy and honour their gifts.

ALL: Chocolate!

(The feasting begins).

When the feasting has ended, the HANDMAIDEN rings the bell three times to gain the attention of the feasters.

By the bounty of your gifts
Our need has been met
Our hunger satisfied
Our greed fulfilled and our tummies filled.
We belch in your honour
Messed be!

(They all belch).

The guardians of the Elements now call down the Circle.

Earth Priest/ess: Thanks be to the chocolate slab
Which we have devoured.

Water Priest/ess: Thanks be to the chocky sauce
Which we have drizzled.

Fire Priest/ess: Thanks be to the chocky fondue
Which we have slurped.

Air Priest/ess: Thanks be to the chocolate mousse
Which we have scoffed.

CHOCKY CHICK: Chocolate of Earth, Water, Fire and Air
We thank you for your presence
Depart in peace
And do not repeat on us or give us tummy troubles.
This circle is open though unbroken
Merry meet

And merry part
And merry meet again
Messed be!


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